But seriously, I am amazed every year that I made it so far. In many ways I didn't 100% expect to make it this far. Before going off on an expedition there is a very real mental process of recognizing the fact that life is short and we can't control our own fate. Certainly, mountaineering purely adds risk, but really, we can't control our fate. We can influence it, such as by avoiding places avalanches might strike, but ultimately people grow cancer and are hit by drunk drivers.
My family will read this and I guarantee without me directly saying it a few will be thinking, 'there he goes again, being hard on himself for not being more successful!' I suppose I have actually had a good last year. ...wow! I am so greedy! I'm thinking about all the stuff I did not do in the last year. Haha! Well any doubt that I have lost some motivation was just proven ridiculous, to myself, who is of course my harshest critic.
It's been a great year. Last year I was in Nepal stressed out over the avalanche that killed 16 Sherpas and ended (postponed?) my decade long quest to walk up the tallest mountain in the world. I won't lie, it was mentally pretty traumatizing. So I turned to self medicate through running, and won a national championship, and went to the world championship. Unfortunate a series of injuries made it not exactly what I hoped for, but I am learning from the experience. In between there, in my year end performance review at work I could not have been rated any higher. Yet my greed wants a promotion rather than high scores... There is just no pleasing me is there?!
No less than five people in the last week were surprised I was turning 29, everyone thought I was a few years younger, thank you! Yet I see myself growing older and changing. It's strange to watch yourself change, I mean more so mentally than physically, but that too. It happens slowly, but it certainly happens.
I have this vision in my head of myself in 40 years, and the the feelings associated with those situations are peace and accomplishment. It's like I expect to finish it, the world. I am sure when I get there I will have something else to complain about.
The recovery from the world championships has been interesting. I like to imagine I am patient, but I have been even more patient waiting for my leg to heal than usual. I don't know. Well I just spent too much time on a Saturday afternoon writing this. I don't have the time to sit around, I've got to get busy living! You too!