Coaching Dramatic Athletes

We had an event recently on the UD track team that brought some of my own ideas to light. One particular high profile athlete created some drama. In short, he left the team and said some undesirable things and then desired to return to the team and a communal decision with the entire men's team in the style of Occupy the Track was made that at the present time he was not welcomed back. I realized that my view of my role as a coach was different than many coaches.

I am an incredibly forgiving person and I will welcome a person back over and over again if he or she quits and changes his or her mind to come back. Part of my reasoning is that this team likely means something to him or her and without it that person might become involved in less constructive activities. I prefer to keep kids on a team rather than wandering around causing trouble. Another aspect of my reasoning is that at my core I believe that a person has the ability to repent and be forgiven an infinite number of times. In practice this is much harder to implement. How much harassment must one person or a group take before the decision is made to excommunicate the offending person? Part of the problem is that the offender in this case said things on Facebook and Twitter which are unsavory and demeaning to a number of the people currently involved with the team. I haven't read them even though I spent three minutes trying to find the remarks. Additionally, he had done things in the past that were not consistent with a strong team player.

In trying to reconcile my thoughts I tried to relate this to other aspects of my life to figure out how I might have managed the situation, had it been my responsibility. I will try to relate everything to stock and investors because the relationship between an investor and a stock is very simple. The investor desires to buy a stock for a low price and sell it for a higher price later, with the exception of dividend stocks that you might desire to keep for your entire life because they are continually rewarding. Here are several examples from life: the relationship between an employer and an employee is a two way stock-investor relationship. The company invests [money] in the employee, which is the stock and who can be replaced, similarly the employee invests [time] in the company, which is also a stock and can be replaced. A [college] student invests [money] in teachers and a school, which are the stocks, in the hopes for an education which can translate into a nice occupation after college.

Similarly, an athlete invests in a coaching staff and hours of training with the hopes of success. I view myself as the stock. Any successful athlete will incorporate a number of stocks [books, articles, coaches, experts, doctors, family, friends, etc.] in the portfolio for success. However, I feel that a valid view of a coach is as the investor as well. The athletes are the stocks which are invested in and eventually sent off with someone else at graduation. It is a different concept because in any example the investor's interests are always more important than the stock's interests. Although, the hope is that both succeed so that the situation is mutually beneficial. However you see the dichotomy, the investors have many stocks to choose from and can easily choose other stocks or none at all, while the stocks need investors or they will be worthless. In other words, I see myself there for the athletes, not for myself. Coaches, myself often included, love to talk about the successful athletes they have nurtured, and it can be very egotistical. Engineers and doctors are all the same. People love to think they are the greatest because of some amount of success. I have been there many times. Unemployment was really good for my ego. I needed some humility. I am sure that I will be egotistical again and need to be humbled again.

One of the complaints of this particular dramatic athlete was that the training that we were doing was not as good as what they did last year with a previous coach. My solution to the problem is to ask the athletes what they want to do. I do it all the time. A happy athlete is typically a successful athlete. However, I do understand the training process better than any of the athletes I work with so overall I feel I know better what stimulus will provide more improvement on any given day. Yet, once again less physiological improvement with significant psychological improvement is preferable to the converse. Again my training theory:

1. Stay Motivated
2. Stay Healthy
3. Train Hard

Once you lose the motivation forget everything else. Chris Lukezic was a middle distance runner that ran very fast and was still young when he left the sport of running to do something else. I have been reading about "financial engineering" a lot recently and comparing it to my present job where I am rewarded for the hours that I work, not any of the additional contributions that I bring to the workplace. I see people older than I doing work very comparable to what I do now and I wonder, will I do this the rest of my career? Could I instead sell myself to the "brain drain"?

This all goes back to motivation. How do you foster and nurture and promote motivation and direct it? In the corporate world we think of money as the simple motivator. However, in college NCAA D3 athletics money is certainly not the motivator.

Circling back to the athlete in question, I feel there was a lack of positive motivation involved. How do you keep a successful person motivated? What performance standards must be regularly met to keep a person interested and feeling progressive as well as what goals must be placed after a significant success? It will depend on the person. In this case I certainly don't have the answer.

As an after note, I feel a great measure of coaching success is athletes setting personal records. This past weekend we set at least one school record and had a large percentage of the team set personal records in their events. This is significant because when a high profile athlete leaves the team because he feels the coaches are not doing a great job, it gets my attention. However, the results that are being produced this season are speaking for themselves, we may not be winning the meet as a team, but we are winning races and nearly everyone is setting personal records. 

Competition Yet Uncompetitive

To get many of the things I desire I have to be competitive. Unfortunately, I am a rather uncompetitive person, unless I am in some sort of fight or flight situation. I am enamored with teamwork. I have so many faults and deficiencies that I can hardly get to work in the morning dressed, fed and on time.

I recently started chasing a new goal. From step one the waters are more competitive than the safe aspects of my life. Why do I do this? Why do time and again I put myself in unfamiliar cutthroat positions? Do I put myself in these situations intentionally? Do I search out competitive situations? I don't know.

I feel I live in a dichotomy. In a race I will throw an elbow and make you pass me on the curve, at least I used to. If we are engineering I will spill patentable ideas and multimillion dollar saving plans like they are water. (Although you will have to wade through the unmanfacturable, cost prohibitive plethora of ideas that I have along the way.) If you are ever tied into a rope with me above treeline you will see greater fear and greater confidence in my eyes than you will on level ground. Mountain climbing is a great competition. Complete teamwork and complete competition at the same time. Competition against ourselves and against the mountain yet teamwork with all of the other people there.

I don't know. Do you ever reflect on your life and think, 'is this really where I am?' I would never have believed a few years ago that nearing my 26th birthday I would live in Dubuque, Iowa, and like it.

At every step of life there is teamwork and competition, which are fundamentally at odds with each other. A marriage involves intense teamwork with each other and competition against the outside forces causing trouble. The military must work together to get anything accomplished yet so often there is an opposition competing for the same people and same land.

I don't know. It just strikes me as odd that uncompetitive teamwork and competition often exist so close together. What decides that we choose to align ourselves with A and challenge B instead of align with B and challenge A?

I'm Hungry.

I was listening to the impact of poverty on children on Talk of the Nation on NPR and had some thoughts. I was on free lunches while I lived in St Louis and reduced price lunches throughout elementary and into middle school. I suppose that means I lived in poverty. I never felt like I lived in poverty because I had plenty of toys and we always had food and the heat always worked at home and we had a home!

As 2011 draws to a close I am realizing that this year when I file taxes it will be the first year that I get paid more than minimum wage for the entire year. I suppose I have been poor my whole life. Even as I write that I cannot actually believe it. Wealth is about so much more than income.

For example, my family always had a place to live but my parents did not own a home from the time I was five until I was 20. We lived in apartments and houses lent to us by my dad's employer. I consider having a house, apartment, or place to live wealth. The same goes for vehicles. My parents have bought only one new car in my 25.5 years, but numerous cars over ten years old. Having one or more vehicles counts as wealth to me. Even though I currently drive an 18 year old van with 277,000 miles, I consider that a luxury item.

I am continually thinking about motivation. How does one get it? Where does it come from? What events lead to increased motivation? What things will decrease motivation? Why do I pound out ten or more hours of running per week? What am I trying to prove? Why do I care about getting the best answer to an engineering problem at work and not just an acceptable answer? Why do I model things with solid (3D) elements when others use only shell (2D) elements? Why did I go to college at WPI in Massachusetts? Why did I get a master's degree?

I finished Steve Job's biography by Walter Isaacson on Saturday. What was Steve's motivation? It seems making the best possible user experience, but that is not 100% clear. I will write a review of the book in the coming weeks.

Motivation is something that is cultivated and grown, but exists within. Can one person give another person the seed of motivation? That is one tough question. If the answer is yes then I give credit to my parents for the roots of my motivation. My family vacationed to Colorado when I was young and we camped, had fires and cooked, and my dad told stories of hiking mountains like Longs Peak. I think that those little trips were the seeds of my mountaineering motivation. It was developed along the way by four summers at Philmont, and numerous hikes and climbing in Rocky Mountain National Park and the 14ers around Leadville. Yet it started with a hike to Emerald Lake and a drive to the continental divide ranger station in RMNP. My other motivations have roots with my parents. When I was six or seven I out sprinted my dad in our back yard. He might have let me win but I decided that I should not be able beat him and I did not want others to beat me unless they were actually faster. However, had he beat me would I have gotten discouraged and chose not to pursue running? Probably... My parents are geniuses. I hope I can do half as well with my kids as they did with my sister and I.

I feel that my motivation wanes when I have more luxury in life. Nice things, which I really like, give me the feeling of being complacent. (I'm struggling to come up with an example. I've been sitting here for at least 10 minutes without writing a sentence.)

I quit acting when I went to college. I did five musicals, four plays, and a slew of speech and drama routines at competitions in high school. The highlight was my senior year when my duet with Dana May Salah was amazing. We cleaned up at just about every meet. We were getting first and second at almost every meet we went to. That was after three years of struggling to make it to finals at local speech and drama competitions. At state that year we expected to cruise through semifinals and compete for the win, but judges rated us terribly. Our second round was the best performance of the year. It was the best acting I ever did. When we calmly walked out of the room we were seriously jumping up and down because we just had the most amazing performance of the year! The judge gave us a ranking of five, with one being the best and ten the worst. Unbelievable. We didn't even make it to semifinals. I did do improvised duet acting also at that state meet and my partner and I got 8th at state with a really really tough draw in the semifinal round. The point being, my motivation for acting left after that state meet. People in my home town thought I was going to go into acting, and were surprised that I cared so much more about engineering. Some were even disappointed.

I had no success in competition acting for two and a half years then I had success at the end of my junior year and lots of success my senior year. I was loaded with motivation at the state meet my senior year. After the rejection I feel I felt acting was a search for acceptance and popularity. I felt that hard work did not necessarily pay off. Success or failure was determined by the whim of another person. In engineering and running and mountaineering and relationships the return on investment seems far more direct. If I train hard in running, I run faster races. If I study more material in engineering, I will have a better grasp of the phenomena. If I climb more I will be able to climb more. If I spend more time with a person we will have a stronger relationship (if we can work past the fact that I am a self centered egomaniac). In the words of my high school running coach, "You get what you get."

Another aspect of my attitude is that I compare myself to the best in the world. Watching the movie Inside Job one person commented that investment banking became a contest. 50 Billion dollar deals were not enough it had to be 100 billion. Unfortunately, I feel that way sometimes. So and so runs a 2:14 marathon, so I want to see if I can do it. So and so climbed Everest without oxygen, and I'm a way better runner than he is so I must be able to do it. So and so started a company that revolutionized the industry, and I'm a far better engineer than he is and more personable too. These thoughts filter down to the way that I live. Why don't I get rid of my van and buy a Mini Cooper like I have wanted for a decade? Because I would rather drive a Prosche 911 Turbo. Why don't I buy a nice bed and some more furniture and a huge TV? Because I would rather buy land and have a house. Why did I go to Pakistan and try an 8000 meter peak instead of trying Denali or Aconcagua first? Because it's bigger and bigger equals better right?

I am clearly delusional. I am obviously crazy. I have accepted those opinions as facts. I fear that these ideas in my head hamper my ability to have a committed romantic relationship. Or any relationship really. On the other hand my focus is very long term. I've been thinking about Mt. Everest for eight years, now it's just the funding. I do know that these expectations and desires set me up for disappointment. March 2010 was a really rough month. Fortunately, I am enough of a normal person to take joy in how far I have come. When I defended my masters thesis I was incredibly happy! After so much time and work, I had something to show. It was the most fulfilling formal educational experience I have had. There were so many times I thought about quitting. When I ran a 4:38 mile at Smith college my senior year of college I was ecstatic! While I planned and still do plan to be able to run under 4:20 in the mile some day, actually getting under 4:40 was amazing because part of me never thought it would happen. It is the same with my engineering. I solve problems and make products last longer, and in 2010, I was not sure I would ever have that chance. I'm a useful addition. I'm part of something. I am economically productive. It is very rewarding.

I still have a lot to do in life. I have a number of "delusions" to chase. However, if this afternoon I end up unable to walk, talk, see, and work for the next 50 years of my life I have enjoyed more success than any one person ever deserves. It is the dichotomy of performance.  The new best performance is not enough, yet it is infinitely more than is deserved. I am so blessed!

Coming Together or Falling Apart?

My last good workout was November 7th. Since then I have not had a single workout at the level I feel I should be running. October was unquestionably the best month of running I have ever had. However, I had a series of small injuries in my lower legs the last few weeks (plantar fasciitis in my left foot and some lower left leg pain that could be anything from a stress reaction to a calf knot), my grandma died, the time changed so that I am now running mostly in the dark, and my two training partners have been injured or busy when I am trying to do a workout. The combination of all that stuff has hampered my training. However, it might be a benefit.

Emil Zatopek was a and these days Zatopek Syndrome is what we say when a well training person, dare I say training too hard, has to take it easy for an extended period of time and has an amazing performance. He was hospitalized before one of his European Championships for two weeks I think, not running a step until the day before the race, and eventually racing against doctors orders (I could be wrong) he won, or at least did really really well.

I am not sure if my low mileage the last few weeks is making me perfectly ready for a marathon or if I overextended myself a few weeks ago and I am going to race slow. I am leaning toward the former. I have to. I have had a number of just amazing workouts this cycle which are so far beyond anything I have done in the past. One simple example, before this cycle my best 20+ mile run was 20 miles in 2:06. This cycle I have done 21 in 2:10, 23.5 in 2:24 (with the last 11 in 1:03), and 20 in 1:59. That's a night and day difference between where I used to train and where I am now. The question is, did I get derailed these last few weeks?

I have been in this situation in regards to running once before in the spring of 2008. I had an injury in March that setback my training. Then in April my first few races were poor 5k performances. Finally, a week before the last meet of my undergraduate years I ran a strong 1500m PR. The next week I ran a 10,000m that was everything I had been hoping for the entire year.

Regardless of the outcome of my race I have decided that my trip to California will be good. Additionally, I'm still hungry to compete. There are moments in training when I am tired, sore, bored, and frustrated that I am seemingly not progressing. I wonder why I don't just throw in the towel and quit. However, I know why I don't quit, I have made the choice to see how far I can go. I mean "far" in the philosophical way. It's about working hard and committing to something and putting in the work to improve. In other words, at the moment running is like my girlfriend. The cool thing about athletics, unlike just about everything else, is that you have a finite amount of time to progress before you are in your 40s and start regressing. If one can learn the techniques and processes to progress to a high level in a short amount of time those techniques and processes experience can be reapplied in other endeavors. What are the similarities between a successful marathoner and Fortune 500 CEO? A marathoner must educate oneself on the history and technology of training typically through copious reading, mentors (coaches), and self experimentation.  A Fortune 500 CEO I would assume would be the person who knows the most about the company, their market, their strategy (all considered copious reading and mentors (colleagues and managers)), and has experience both in management and as an entry level worker (education through both the role of mentors (other managers) and self experimentation). I am sure that double parenthesis are not allowed in English, but they are in math!

This World Keeps Changing

This was an interesting week. On October 5th Steve Jobs died. I know he had survived pancreatic cancer and a liver transplant, but it just seemed like he wouldn't die, at least anytime soon. People are beginning to wonder about the possible demise of Apple. I think that they put so much work into defining what made Jobs so distinctive that for the next several years, probably the next decade, they have nothing to worry about. Secondly, I can't help but think of the movie Tron or Batman how the son inherits the company. Who knows what the future will hold?

The iPhone 4S came out. It's cool because it has HSPA+ (3x faster data speeds), a better processor (up to 7X faster graphics), an amazing camera, up to 64GB of storage, and to top it all off it has this new thing called Siri which people don't really know what to do with yet.

Unemployment is still high, yet we can not find engineers! There are three open positions in our group for finite element structural analysis engineers for people with 1+ year experience and a salary of $70K+ that have been on the website for a month yet only 12 people have applied, and one is me and one is my coworker who sits behind me and we are just looking for a promotion.

Secondly, I hear about the booming oil and gas fracking industry throughout the midwest and tales of 2% unemployment where someone can find a job they day they arrive in town. Do you really want a job? Go to North Dakota.

On the European economic front they are having problems. We spent so much money, for so long that now it is time to pay it back. Let me tell you from experience it is fun getting into debt, but paying your way out of it is not easy. I am making more money now than I ever have but my standard of living is barely higher than it was in college. I sleep on an air mattress! (It is a double tall queen size.)

This is such an interesting time to be alive! I will be able to say that I watched the world go from no cell phones or Internet to ubiquitous cell phones with the Internet. We went from some of the greatest peace and prosperity to a 10 year old war and a long running recession and very slow recovery.

By the way, stocks on Wall Street have been up and down huge percentages recently (10% per day in some cases) and the more volatile stocks are in general the more money those in the market stand to make. If for no other reason that people are buying and selling and Fidelity, among others, is making a commission on each transaction. In other words, billionaires get richer and unemployed people in their 40s and 50s still can't find jobs.

Success Expedites Improvement

On my runs I often see the same people. One of those people I happened to see Friday night and we were headed the same direction going the same pace so we ran together for about five miles. He was talking about his kids in high school how one had success early and achieved greater success later while the other had difficulty early and achieved less success later, but a more valuable success because it was such hard work.

When I explain my running career thus far I mention that I had a breakthrough season in high school and then another one in college. Specifically after the one in college I wondered, if I did X amount of work to achieve A, then if I can do Y amount of work I can probably achieve B! I have not really clearly communicated the fact that I only stuck with running because I had a little success at an early stage. Specifically, my sophomore year of high school cross country. At the regional meet that year I ran 11:54 through two miles breaking my two mile PR by about 10 seconds and getting under 12 for the first time. I went on to run 18:54 for the 5k breaking 19 for the first time, I think, my memory is not prefect.

That was a huge race for me. It was a huge break through after running a couple of 20s at the beginning of the year and then mid 19s most of the season. Plus, our team placed third at that meet by I think one or two points and we went to state (I was 4th on the team and thus a scoring member). I got the flu or something the week of state and ran terribly, but the break through was accomplished.

That was the first season that things clicked. Until that season I was regularly beaten by the girls and lapped by most of the boys. In other words, a pretty typical start to a running career. I just happened to have a little bit of success fairly early, which not everybody has. I will not say that that season catapulted to me to serious training, I still thought that pre-season training meant easy running two weeks before the season started. However, I did enjoy running enough to run my first half marathon that winter and do some running in the off season and further improve over the next two and a half years of high school. If I had not had that success at that point, perhaps I would have quit the next year to do something else. We shall never know.

In America we often are chided for rewarding every young kid for participating and not for any actual accomplishment. I must admit I have soccer and baseball trophies and I have no idea if I won or lost. We just played the game. Growing up through the system of rewarded participation I am not sure wether it is good or bad. It worked out for me, I ended up doing the activities I enjoy the most and have a few skills that are applicable. Brain Sell is another example. The guy ran 15:30s 5ks his freshman and sophomore years of college at a D3 school. His marathon pace eight years later was 15:30s for all eight and a half 5ks. Had he not run those races early in college, he might have never transfered to a D1 school and never ran a 28 10k as a senior and never ran professionally. A little success at the right time goes a long way.

Bottom-Up or Top-Down View of Performance?

I'm writing this a few hours after I won the Dubuque Duathlon although the idea behind this I had a few weeks ago and I am just getting around to writing it. Nevertheless, take what I say with a grain of salt as I ride this high of wining a race.

When I tell people about my goals, for many I get a response something like, 'that's crazy to think that you are that good to go into a race with the plan of winning it because that's all ego and mean, unfriendly competitive spirit talking.' Perhaps they are right, but I view the world with the attitude of wondering what is possible. Will someone run a sub 2 hour marathon? Yes, unless the world ends first, it will take a few more people to bring the record down and the first time it goes it will likely be in a wind and elevation aided scenario like Boston this year, or something like a track race, or an event where pacesetters do not all start at the beginning, such as two new pacesetters every 5k, something which is not done in running currently. I look at what has been done and I wonder why I can't do that as well. Could I go to the Olympics in the marathon? Perhaps, but it's probably something like a .01% or .001% chance, which in my mind means there is a chance.

Another example is 8000 meter peaks. This year a guy summitted Everest and Lhotse within 24 hours (May 20th entry). This is the first time two 8000 meter peaks have been done in 24 hours, but he slept in the middle and used oxygen. What is possible when it comes to linking up 8000 meter peaks? I mean they are big, but in terms of mileage and even vertical elevation there are a number that are close together like G1 and G2 or Broad Peak and K2. The vertical elevation basecamp to summit on Broad Peak is about 10,600 ft and K2 is about 12,400 ft. I am not familiar enough with Nepal and the Himalaya to talk about more than Everest and Lhotse. For comparison I did 93 miles in less than 32 hours with 22-23,000 feet of elevation unsupported and with a 5.5 hour nap in the middle and 1.5 of walking by iPhone light. With a full support system, what is possible? With a high enough aerobic capacity is oxygen needed? Ed Viesturs did some amazing thing without oxygen, and with all due respect, he's a 3:15 marathoner (at NYC which is not an easy course).

These are top-down views. At the top, there are only a few performances within sight. The challenges are specific and the focus narrow. The top of a pyramid is a point. The pyramid also grows continually because we are searching for the limits. As soon as a new and higher point is placed, some new kid comes along and moves the top higher. While the challenges may sound competitive, it is intensely personal. Each person plays the mental game in his and her own head wether it is possible for him or her to accomplish the task at hand. Of course, at that level it is known the task is possible because the barrier is only a little farther away. The question is, who can do any particular challenge first?

The other view is the bottom-up view. Quite possibly this is a more healthy and balanced view of opportunity and challenges. Using the pyramid example, the goal is to get a little better and move a little higher. When people talk about their results at races in terms of age group standing that is a bottom-up view. The challenge is within a limited range. Unfortunately, this point of view can be limiting. The limits are established by those seemingly out-of-range people.

I say this is a healthy point of view because the goals are more qualitative and less quantitative. The goal is not to run a 3:43.12 mile (.01s faster than current world record), but rather to have a good race and ideally improve the time, but not necessarily. The attitudes in general are qualitative instead of quantitative meaning that how you felt about a performance is more important than the numerical result of the performance. I have actually tried in 2011 to take that attitude into my daily life more. It is easier to say to friends and coworkers that I struggled with the transitions and had a good first multi-event instead of describe the 20.8+mph average on the bike and the 4.2 miles run in approximately 23 minutes as well as the drama surrounding my win. After all, how do I describe to the person that has never run a sub 6 minute mile that except for at altitude I never race that slow?

While I kind of touched on it, the bottom-up view is about feelings and emotions more than physical success. I feel everyone has a a mix of both views but leans toward one or the other. Perhaps it is really goal-orientated versus emotion-orientated that I am trying to describe.

The point of all of this is that I ask myself, 'what is possible?' I have a few ideas of what is possible for me and in all aspects of my life I feel that I am on the path of discovery to find out those possibilities. Some of those possibilities have been done by other people, some have not. Regardless of the outcome there is much learning to be done. There is much doing to be accomplished. Part of the excitement of pursuing the possibilities is learning and experiencing the process.

Would you like to know the hardest physical thing I have ever done? It was the double marathon that I did on my birthday in 2009. I have not done anything that hurt that much. I have had harder mental and emotional experiences and harder combinations of the three, but that was physically the most difficult thus far.

A Month Entirely Wireless

As I was searching for Internet service in Dubuque I was astounded at the prices. With only a one year commitment the price of Internet through the cable company is $55 per month. With cable television (including Starz and Cinemax) it was $100 per month. There is no way I am going to pay that kind of money so that I can sit on my couch and watch reruns. There are several other options I am entertaining. I get 1.5 Mbps 3G at my house, which is incredibly fast, the fastest I have ever measured on my phone. I might get a limited plan so that I can plug in a USB device and get Internet that way. Plus, I would be far more mobile than using a local wireless router. Secondly, there is the chance that one of my neighbors, who has a wireless signal that reaches my apartment (there are four, all encrypted) might be willing to let me use their connection for a small fee every month. Third, I might be able to bundle DSL with my cell phone bill and save money but I might as well get 3G for the speed that DSL has. Fourth, is a rather novel idea that I am going to try for the month of May, not pay for anything more than I already am.


I currently pay $30 a month for unlimited data plan on my iPhone 3G. While I have never used more than 500 Mb in the two and a half years that I have had it, I have kept the unlimited plan because when 4G (and I mean true 4G not HSPA+ or LTE) becomes available in a few years there will be no need for anything beside a phone. Netflix already allows video out connections from an iPhone 4 and iPad to a television. Of course when you can connect a wireless keyboard and monitor to your phone and use the phone processor and Internet connection for everything, there will be little need for average people to have computers, aside from their phones. Of course, while hardware and software people are on the ball, the wireless and cable companies are way behind the ball so the transition to fully wireless will probably involve whole bunch of legal problems.

In the spirit of experimentation and innovation, I have decided that for the month of May I will not pay for more Internet than on my cell phone, which I planned to pay anyway. In keeping with any value proposition, I am going to track of my Internet usage. AT&T meters my data so that will be easy to track. I typically go to coffee Saturday morning so I do not consider those $4 costs to be directly related to Internet usage, but I will be counting all coffee shop Internet uses. I will be getting a library card so that I can use the Internet there in the evenings, although I have to use their computers. I can also use the Internet at work, and they track usage as well so I will figure out how to check my usage there as well. Since I went to Redbox three times last week I am going to keep track of how many movies I rent or buy that I might have streamed from Netflix or Hulu. The goal is to see what volume of Internet I consume and if that is something I am comfortable with or not. In other words, if I miss Wikipedia, Facebook, and other websites or not.

As I thought about it more and more the thing that is likely to suffer the most is my blogging. Without my computer my ability to edit my posts will probably be a little limited. I will probably not be the most active emailer either, although I can still send and receive everything. Basically, every dollar I manage to save and invest now will be ten dollars by the time I will worry about retiring. So if I can save $100 a month that is like saving $1000 a month that I can use in 45 years. Alternatively I will be saving $100 that I can use to buy something more enjoyable than reruns.

Bear with me. I will still aim for four or five blog posts per week, although central to the entire blog theme is having new content to discuss, so no guarantees.

Economics Week: Unemployment and Economic Recovery 2009-Present

In the book I am writing, I address the issue of where have all the jobs gone? As well as where will there be jobs in the United States in the future? The answers are not particularly complicated, but they are also not particularly easy to swallow.

First, a simple observation that has huge implications. With advances in technology less people are needed to produce the same amount of product or provide the same amount of service. Although technology thus far has not accelerated the ability to reduce staff in the service industry nearly as fast as in the product industry. In other words, working at Target, McDonalds or Starbucks is a more stable long term career choice than working in the manufacturing industry for Ford or Catepillar despite less than half of the starting pay, based on the past several decades in the United States. Of course, that is my opinion and it is based on non-management, non-salaried, hourly wage employees. If you have a education, such as engineering, manufacturing on the other hand provides far greater opportunities for job security. Lest anyone get an ego too inflated, no job is secure. Even Tiger Woods the first athlete billionaire is certainly not making as much money post-scandal as he once was.

What does the above paragraph mean? It means that working at American Eagle folding clothes and selling me jeans is likely more stable than painting car panels at Pontiac, wait Chrysler, wait... Toyota is still around I think. In the service industry (like at a nursing home, mortuary, Starbucks, or American Eagle) you are less likely to be susceptible to mechanization and automation that is taking over everything from farming to manufacturing, and soon enough, driving.

In other words, if 20% of the workforce is laid-off because of advances in manufacturing technology and outsourcing, consumer spending might only decrease 12% because those people who are laid-off will receive unemployment benefits. Additionally, it is possible that those left working will receive raises and spend more money. (I only have one example to prove that statement and it involves manual labor and working more hours. Not the ideal situation for the population as a whole.)

Second, lay-offs typically have a slightly positive affect. Despite our capitalist society, we typically pay people based on their initial formal education and their years of experience with less regard given to performance. Due to a variety of factors some employees are not as profitable to the company as others. Some are possibly even unprofitable. Lay-offs are a way to reduce the number of under-performers. That being said I do not blame the laid-off at all.  I would imagine if given the chance to work for 2/3 of the money or even half of the money to keep their jobs, most would gladly accept rather than be unemployed for several years. It is not an employee's fault that he or she was gradually paid more every year at a faster rate than that particular employee's productivity increased.

Additionally, some people are in the wrong industry. Plain and simple I've met a number of them doing something because they have a degree or the money is good that they are really not cut out for. I do not know, but I feel if this type of person was laid-off hopefully they would find more suitable employment.

Third, after lay-offs and after automation the people that you are left with are the high performers. When given the chance to work 60 hours instead of 40 they jump at the opportunity. These people might fall into the work-work-life-work balance but that is what the US economy typically rewards. That is actually a subject that I take great pains in my book to deal with, because work is one small aspect of our lives. We need to value more than work and our jobs. Easy to say, but it took me months of anguish to really understand that.

Currently, many companies are offering their employees overtime instead of hiring new employees despite business drastically picking up within the last year. The theory is that employees cost money for health insurance and training and other expenses while simply giving employees overtime reduces the training, healthcare, hiring process, 401K and other expenses that employers have to pay. All of this means...

Fourth, employers have a greater choice of employees and are able to pay less and not give out benefits to find people. One person I know referred to the new trend in lower wages and no benefits as "indentured servitude". I would probably not go that far because working 65 hours a week still leaves over 100 hours a week to do whatever. The point being my first three jobs after college did not include any kind of health insurance, vacation, sick days, or retirement planning.

It is more competitive now to get any job than it was pre-2008 and to be honest I do not see that trend changing much for several years. To those of you currently racking up college debt, stick with it even though you are going to fight for lower wages. With a degree you will probably still make more money, and hopefully enjoy a job that does not degrade your health. The road ahead is hard, but you can make it. If the basket case of pent of emotions and egotistical grandeur that is me made it than you can certainly make it. Plus I'm writing a book that will hopefully help you.

Fifth, and finally, it is to everyone's advantage that you succeed in life. While the multimillionaires on Wall Street will be selling short (making money on stock that goes down in price) on your 401K as your 401K gets cut in half they still need you, otherwise they are out of a job. They need your commissions. If Warren Buffett did not have thousands of people working in companies that he owned, he would not have as much money as he does. If you did not buy Microsoft products Bill Gates would not have the fortune that he does.

Every society in history that has created a lop sided wealth structure has eventually gone through a revolution to change that. France in the 1790s, Russia in 1917, and it appears most of the Middle East in 2011 are a few of the rather significant ones. The point being, it is in everyone's best interest if everyone is making some money. Of course the opportunity to make more money typically encourages people to work harder. That is where capitalism works.

The point is, you can make it. You will get a job and it will be good. It may take far longer than you would like, but it will happen. It is in everyone's best interest that you succeed. Wether anyone admits it or not your success will help everyone from the places you spend your money to your employer who you make money for. The economy will recovery, but it will be different.

You Need a Job to Get a Job

I do not know if that saying is true, but I can attest that since becoming employed the few jobs I have inquired about were interested in me. Whether that is simply the right people looking at my credentials instead of the wrong people, I am not sure.

The idea behind needing a job to get a new job is that people who are employed are doing something right. Employed people are not crazy enough to be fired. Employed people are currently valuable to some company. Employed people, engineers and scientists in particular, are staying current with new developments in the field, which will allow them to make better products and cut costs. Employed people are not lazy. I have no idea if anyone actually things that last sentence, but I always had a hard time describing what I did while I was unemployed. I applied for jobs. That was kind of a big part of most of my days.

For people who have recently graduated into unemployment this is a catch-22. You need experience to get experience. On the upside, our time in life is the one thing that everyone shares. Billionaires aren't awarded more of it than poor people. Which is to say, all of life is an experience. Work experience may be valued by an employer more than unemployment experience, but they are not interchangeable. The experience I had unemployed will probably stay with me the rest of my life and help me far more in the future than one year of engineering. That being said, now I have a contract engineering job, so I hope that experience will help get me a long term job.

Quality Matters

My computer is an Apple 12.1 inch Powerbook G4 1.33 GHz, vintage 2004. In other words, it's old and not terribly fast. I bought it in the spring before I went to college and I have owned it ever since, nearly seven years.

As I gaze around my room and see how much junk I have, I also appreciate all of the valuable quality things that I have. Things that could very well last longer than I do. For example, I have a 1930s Royal typewriter that is in almost as good of condition now as when it rolled off the production line over 70 years ago.

I feel that quality stuff is totally the way to go when buying anything that will be used multiple times. For example, I bought and broke several $8-18 watches before I finally bought a $50 watch that does everything I need and it has lasted longer than any of those previous watches. My computer is a prime example. At $1,600 it was a huge expense when I bought it but provided it makes seven years that is an average of $20 per month. Considering that it helped me through two engineering degrees, thousands of hours of work, and that I pay way more than that per month for my cell phone, I can't imagine a much better deal.

Finally, buying quality is environmentally friendly because you buy less. Had I gone through three computers in the time that this one has lasted me how much of those computers would be sitting in a landfill? Similarly, using ceramic plates instead of paper or styrofoam plates entail a little bit of washing but nothing ends up in a landfill.

The same can be said for products as for time. Such as how I spend my time running. Running eight minute miles for 13 hours a week is great and I get into great slow aerobic shape, but seeing as how my goals involve running paces much closer to five minutes per mile, I need to run workouts close to those paces.

Just something to think about.

2010: My Year in Review

January started with me as confident as ever about my career and my running going as well as it ever had gone. I moved out to Colorado to live with some college friends and I have to say that was an amazing three months. I met so many people. I had so many beautiful runs through the mountains. I enjoyed life. I even officially started Janzen Gear in February. However, my running took a hit as I adjusted to the altitude.

However, March came and went and I fell apart. After three months of unemployment I was totally out of money and without any interviews in that whole time, I was depressed. I was so stressed out that things were not going the way I had planned that I gave myself back pain. That was a huge life lesson about the things in my life that I value, and what is really important to me. I am guessing that it will never happen again because I have a better understanding of my own mentality.

Because of the whole money thing I packed up and went to Minnesota and worked for my uncle for six weeks in the family greenhouse. It was tough physical labor. Not what I ever expected my first job out of college would be.

In mid May I headed back west to teach rock climbing at Boy Scout camp again. It was my fourth summer at a Boy Scout camp. I had a fantastic summer. I climbed harder than I ever have before. I ran like crazy until I got a stress reaction. My friends and I had a great time. Again, it's humbling to have a master's degree in engineering and be teaching 13 year olds how to belay for a relatively small paycheck. I also attempted the Grand Teton for the first time and I led two pitches up the Casual Route on the Diamond before it rained and snowed us off. Regardless, this summer was about the relationships I have with my friends, and it was an unequivocal success. I have the best friends in the world!

I followed up the summer with a month long road trip through Utah, California, Washington and Montana and a few other states. In the psychological aspect of life I was able to spend time with two of my American friends who shared the summer of 2009 experience with me in Pakistan. In many ways it was the final chapter in my mental recovery from that experience. I also spent two days trying to climb the Nose on El Capitan solo and a day trying the Regular Northwest Face on Halfdome. The inspiration for the road trip was to do something "big" my climbing just did not pan out, I had a great time, learned a bunch, but I ended up scared and tired. So at the suggestion of my friends, on two days notice I ran the Wonderland Trail, and accomplished something "big".

Once again out of money I had the choice between staying in Colorado and making snow (physical labor) for a few months or going home in the hopes of a job offer and more Internet access to apply for more jobs. I went home, also because my grandma had a stroke this summer and my family is very important to me. I only have one family.

The last three and a half months of the year were, by my standards, uneventful. I gradually began running more miles in hopes of some good races from the 5k to the marathon in 2011. I had an interview at GE and they ended up going with someone more qualified.

By the numbers:

• I estimate from reading my own blog, that I applied to approximately 378 jobs in 2010. 
• I ran 3379.6 miles total including five 4+ hour runs and nine 100+ mile weeks. That is an average of 9.25 miles per day, every day all year. Only one personal record racing this year, 1:36 at 15 miles.
• I slept in 12 states and traveled in 22 states. 
• 11 painting started and 10 paintings finished, a record for me.

2010 was, for me, about valuing the intangible things in my life like relationships, health, freedom, and life itself more than I did when I was younger. The lessons I have learned about saving for a rainy day, starting a company, stress, communication, and other still unknown things are not all clear to me yet. I think that the lessons of 2010 will impact me for the rest of my life. I feel that events of the past year will teach me new things for years to come as I continue to mature and better understand what really happened in many situations.

Thank you all for the comments and the caring in person, on the blog, in letters, on Facebook, and in your prayers. This blog has been a great way to express myself and I plan to keep at it for years to come.

Thank you,

Isaiah Janzen

It's Who You Know

In my job search not all "applications" are created equal. An example from earlier this week:

4 weeks ago: My dad discussed my situation with person A. This person provided contact information of person B at an aerospace related company that he used to work with.

2.5 weeks ago: After several unsuccessful calls I left a message, with person B's daughter I found out, and gave up trying to call.

Earlier this week: Person B calls me and we talk for eight minutes. He says he will pass on my information, and a resume I email, to the proper people.

The next day: Person C calls me and we talk for 20 minutes! Everything from Boy Scouts and road biking to engineering research career theory. He suggests that I should have applied earlier because they are in the process of making an offer. I did not say anything, but I did apply a month ago. He also alluded to the fact that others might have received my resume as well. So there may have been someone between person B and C. At the end he says, "probably, no I will" get back to me.

It seems that any skills I might have pale in importance compared to the generosity and connections of other people. While there is substantial merit to the recommendation of a trusted acquaintance, the relationship hinges on the worker meeting expectations. If you hire the wrong stranger, cut your losses. If you hire the wrong friend, you lose more than money. I just get frustrated.

North Korea Shells South Korea

Sure that is old news, it happened a few days ago. What is significant is that unlike the 1950s the players have changed teams.

Russia called the North Korean's actions unacceptable!

Russia is not playing with North Korea. This is kind of a big deal. Most of the world seems to be leery of North Korea. There may never be another cold war or world war at least for many decades, but I think an economic war would be far more likely. The rules would be different but Russia and China would surely be big players.

In my mind this is kind of like Sony and Toyota becoming so very popular after the second world war. It is interesting to day the least.

Applying... For... Jobs... Is... FRUSTRATING!!!!

I was applying for jobs at a company and the website proceeded to tell me about what a great company it was and how many interesting things they did. I already knew most of what they did, so I was reading the description, like I read every description, hoping that it sounded like a good fit. It did seem like a fit. As much as a fit can be without explicitly saying they wanted X, Y, and Z which would be exactly what I have. After the description the required qualifications section proceeded to describe the different qualifications that were necessary with all sorts of different qualified paths to the same job. Then below that the benefits were described.

Why is this frustrating?

1. As much as I would absolutely LOVE to have the job of my dreams doing something interesting and innovative that has never exactly been done before, I'll settle for run of the mill and boring right now.
2. I have a feeling that I come off as ambitious, and also ambiguous. In the 1950s a handful of pilots wanted to walk on the Moon, but of course they didn't talk about it in public because that was ridiculous! No one would ever walk on the Moon! Do companies want me to say that I desire to sit behind a desk 50 hours a week the rest of my life?
3. Companies often post multiple job openings with the same title and description, sometimes in multiple locations, often in the same place. I have applied for all such openings from companies in the past, but now I only apply for a few. If someone sees my application with any interest they will get to me. I am guessing that one person often manages the hiring of multiple positions. So why exactly are there four postings for Entry Level Mechanical Engineer with exactly the same descriptions at the same location. 
4. The entire job application process is absolutely the opposite of applying to colleges. When I applied for colleges I made it into about half of the schools I applied to. Considering my backup school was a private college and my top school accepted something like 1% of applicants I think I did well. I sure ended up where I was supposed to be. For the eight or so schools that I applied to I was accepted into several. I honestly thought that if I applied to a similar number of jobs I would at least get a few interviews. 200+ applications later, no such ratio of interviews or offers to applications. I'm batting like 1% for applications to interviews.
5. Benefits! You want to tell me about benefits! I have been living without health insurance for the last seven weeks. I have way more debt than I would like. Things like full dental care and a 401(k) while nice to consider, are so far away from my priorities right now it is not worth me reading on their websites. Salary expectations give me a similar reaction. Give me half of what I expected I would make with my education and experience in 2008 and I'll take it.
6. Control is totally out of my hands. For colleges I had enough offers that I had my choice of where to go. Now, the following sentences are totally self-centered, if you are offended I'm not making you read this. I thought, and still think, that what I have done in a mere 24 years is at least a little impressive. I mean a master's degree, some patents, I saved a big company some money by discovering some things they did not know. In fact a month after I discovered one issue they changed their processing to change that issue. I never received any credit, someone else probably solved it independently of me, but I was there and I did mention it. The point is, I always thought, and I still struggle with this, that companies would want someone like me. I thought I would have a choice in my future, and the time to make a choice. The first offer I receive will be where I go. The advantage of this hard time in my life is that I am really starting to understand those less fortunate than me. For everything and every opportunity that I have been given I am probably in the top 1% of the world for fortunate people. So while I really struggle with not having control of my career, many people in the world never have any option of choice. From my perspective it is hard to understand how many opportunities I have had compared to billions of others around the world. Why me?

I might work until the day I die just so that I don't have to worry about being unemployed. Ha! In the words of Tommy Williams from the Shawshank Redemption, "Just give me that chance."

Seven Reasons Running is a Great Sport to Follow

Everywhere I go in the US I am inundated with information about baseball, football, basketball and Nascar. Even golf has it's own channel. Now everything I am about to say is not to demean from other sports. I am quite obviously biased toward running. That being said let me explain why being a fan of running is the best sport to be a fan of.

1. Accessibility for runners. Kenyans have won 38 of 42 major marathons this fall. One of the poorest countries in the world produces some of the greatest athletes. To excel at the highest levels in this sport you do not need multimillion dollar facilities. It is a true come from behind sport. Sammy Wanjiru and Robert K. Cheruiyot both were very very poor and have since earned impressive pay outs for their very fast running.
2. Accessibility to runners. While on a run at the Boulder Reservoir I met Jenny Barringer, multiple US record holder. While watching the US Womens Olympic Marathon Trials I met Ryan Hall. I went on a run with Nate Jenkins, World Championship Marathon team member. If you want to meet some of the best in the world, it really is not that hard. Most have email addresses publicly available. 
3. Easy statistics. There are only a handful of events that people run. For distance runners the 1500m, 1 mile, 3000m, 3000m steeplechase, 5000m, 10,000m, half marathon, and marathon are the main events that are all contested with world championships in track or road running. For example, take the marathon, there is a men's and women's world record, and each country has a national record, and each marathon course has a course record. That's it. Sure there are other distances, and people keep diligent track of intermediate splits during records, but the significance is in the total time.
4. Significant physiological landmarks get broken and still exist. The four minute mile must be one of the truly great athletic achievements. People actually thought that if a person broke it they might die! Now there is the two hour marathon. We still have four minutes to go to get there which is a huge difference. Whoever breaks two hours first will become a multimillionaire. 
5. Requires little time, but accepts thousands of hours. If you simply want to follow the world of marathoning you could spend an hour a year reading results and yearly summaries and you would still understand who was doing what for the most part. On the other hand if you want to spend half an hour every day reading blogs and another half hour watching videos you could still focus entirely only on US professional runners.
6. It is inexpensive. There are no ticket fees to watch marathons in person. Most major marathons are streamed live and free over the internet. Ticket prices to world class track meets will set you back less than $20, at least in this country.
7. It encourages mass participation. You can enter the lottery and run the New York City Marathon with Haile Gebrselassie, the 2:03:59 marathon world record holder. You can not step onto the field with Bret Favre. For the more competitively inclined you can directly compare yourself to the world record holders. It is hard to compare that game of basketball you played with your friends to Wilt Chamberlain's 100 point game. 

Running rocks!

Internet Punishment

For the last month I have been existing mostly on Internet that comes from a satellite dish. Along with several dozen of my acquaintances. We were warned about two weeks ago of the high amount of data that we were using (mostly streaming videos, file sharing and one person in particular was watching CSI:Miami). So having streamed some Hulu and Flotrack videos early in June I felt partly responsible for this problem. However, I need to find a job starting in August, pay my bills, check my email, and I like updating my running log (and blog for that matter). All of those things require very little bandwidth.

This is one of those cases where the majority of people are punished because of a very few people who take advantage of the system. Basically, it makes a lot of us pretty mad. It's an unfortunate situation because they do not have any proof who the one or two big offenders are. Unfortunately, they do not have the capability to track what computer is doing the illegal file sharing or streaming video and using all of our bandwidth. I will willingly submit my computer for inspection so that I can be proved innocent. The worst part is that whoever it was continued to stream video after we were warned to limit Internet use.

That is to say, don't punish me for file sharing or streaming video when our bandwidth was near the limit. It would be good to find out who was the main offender and dole out an appropriate punishment.

As I face an ever nearing unemployment not having readily available Internet access is frustrating. Life always works out, so I try to remain confident that I will find something. Of the entire camp staff (less than 20) I am the most educated and yet I am the only one with nothing to do come August. It's strange my path in life. I don't get it.

Don't baby me, I would prefer to do it myself.

Laziness promotes laziness. For the better part of the last 5 years I have been on my own cooking, cleaning, taking care of my own health, and other facets of life. Unfortunately, I have been in a number of circumstances recently when I was provided with a service which meant I had to do less.

Cooking, laundry, driving, schedule planning, you name it someone else has been deciding what I was going to do. This has gotten to the point that it is actually frustrating. Over the last several years I developed a routine. A routine I like very much. I thrive on routine. Repetition, regularity and predictability help me get things done. Without a system of time management, built on routine, very little gets done. For example, the last semester I was at WPI my daily schedule looked something like:

6:50 AM - Wake up

7:00 AM get to WPI by driving or riding my bike

7:15 AM go for 3-6 mile easy run

7:45 AM shower

7:57 AM get into office before 8 but sometimes as late as 8:30

8:00 AM check last night's computer simulations, change variables and run new simulation

8:10 AM blog for 20 minutes

8:30 AM read Runner's World Daily News

8:35 AM check email

9:12 AM head up to department office in search of a cup of coffee

9:15 AM evaluate the previous night's simulation in greater detail, read related scientific reports about finite element heat treating, write my thesis, in general it was work on work.

11AM-2PM At some point I would eat lunch at my desk all depending on when I actually got hungry

4:00 PM head to the gym for running with the cross country or track team

6:30 PM Depending on relative progress of work either head back to office or home to eat. If home then usually head back to school after eating. Sometimes it was just back home to eat and watch tv. If back to office generally stay there about an hour before going home for the night.

11:00 PM In bed, asleep in minutes.

What I liked about this routine:

• I could run twice a day during the daylight
• I found I was usually most productive before 10 AM and after 7 PM when the office was quiet.
• I had inspiration several times on runs of new things to try in my research.
• I chose all of my meals.
• I ate when I was hungry, not at a certain time.
• My hours were flexible so I could come back and work 7-10 or even 11 PM if something was getting done. I could also take off at 4 for the day if things were going especially well.
• My schedule allowed me to go out to eat or go over to a friend's house.
• I found I had greater consistency by working every day albeit less on Saturday and only a few hours most Sundays.

My routine was nearly entirely necessity driven. I ate when I was hungry. The same for laundry and other errands. I had the flexibility to work whatever hours I wanted, which until you've had a thesis I am not sure you will understand the desire to come back to work after supper and work on some difficult problem. It constantly hangs over your head and graduate school turns into working all the time combined with serious destressing. I learned to water ski last semester and ran far more miles that I ever had before. I attribute my extreme productivity that semester to a huge focus on finishing my thesis and wanting to get the most out of my life after Pakistan.

I once feared the 9-to-5. Now I think that consistency would be nice. At least, I would like to do-it-myself. Two weeks ago I made the quote, "you don't have to be the hardest worker, as long as you are trying to be the hardest worker." In other words, always be doing something that is positively productive in some way. Be it running which benefits mostly just yourself or building a book shelf for a friend which takes lots of time and energy yet has no monetary profit.

Create Pomogranate Demand

Create demand for pomogranate so that the prices go up. Why? Well first of all they are good for you with antioxidants and citric acid. It is, according to webmd, the best juice you can drink.

The more important and time sensitive reason, and more important than your health, is that they grow pomogranates in Afghanistan. Why is it important to support Afghanistan pomogranate farmers? Because otherwise they would grow poppies and make heroin.

It is not simply that simple. However the effort has already been started and apparently it is backed by many of the tribal leadership. Afghanistan is still a very tribal run country. In this country we would use words like war lord or head of the family business to describe these people. The truth is they are both the captains of industry and the political leaders of that country. So if they are convinced that growing pomogranates is better than poppies then you can bet that their famlies or tribes will grow pomogranates.

This article is a synopsis of an NPR interview I heard while driving across western Nebraska. For more information visit: www.pom354.com

(Blank) is Your Mission.

One of the most frustrating aspects of my life right now is that, as far as I can tell, nobody has any plans for me. Let me explain.

When children are young their parents try to raise them in the way they should live. In school teachers and professors want to see the students succeed, however randomly that might be measured. When people have a boss, that boss wants something to get done. When people are in the position I am in there is a lack of direction because there is a lack of accountability to anyone. Then again it seems like most people regardless of their employment situation are still figuring out what they want to do with their life.

Oh how easy it is to work for someone else. To be accountable for something you can do. To have someone else set the bar. Of course it isn't always like this working for someone else. I was doing some temporary work once in the early summer and the first few days were very tiring. It was so hard that on the third day I quit just after lunch and went to sleep because I had heat exhaustion. One of the supervisors got pretty angry to say the least. Fortunately I bounced back the next day and the rest of the work was fine.

I am struggling now, knowing what my next step is. My mission in life? I have spent a lot of time thinking in broad strokes and life is a series of small steps instead. I know first hand that life is hard. I've seen the poor in poor countries. I grew up where going out to eat meant McDonalds.

As I work on my mission, and what the next step is in this ultra-marathon I keep in mind that that is the key: the next step. When the going gets rough, just keep going. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Time only goes forward and I think that experiences and my mission are a lot of time. There are lessons to be learned every day, and I intend to learn then so that I might do... something.