Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The Hunger (and the Terror)

Motivation, drive, perseverance, pain, suffering, they all mean the same thing: watch out for the person that has a lot of it. The last two days, I have been on fire! In more ways than one, but the subject is running today. I really struggled after the Chicago Marathon this year. I felt after so many years of trying and working toward my goals I was not nearly as close as I need to be to achieve them. I like big and difficult goals, but let me tell you first hand, not achieving your goal, and knowing that you will not, is a hard pill to swallow. I have not admitted defeat yet, but simply wrestling with defeat brings your motivation into the mud.

I struggled to understand why I kept running and training. I have already run a couple good marathons. I have run good races on the track and the roads and the trails. The only person I have left to prove anything to is myself. Is all the toil worth it?

The last two days I went running, and wanted to do more when I finished, lift weights or run 200 meter sprints. Additionally I went indoor rock climbing Sunday in Madison for the first time in too long. I feel strong.

Motivation breeds motivation. Success breeds success. Who is the CEO? The guy that once was a VP, the same guy that became a project manager before her peers. Who wins the gold medal in the Olympics? The fastest guy in his training group, the guy who was fastest in high school, the kid who beat the others in middle school gym class. What kind of lawyers win billion dollar settlements? The kind who once won million dollar settlements, who convinced their high school friends he or she was right.

Motivation has two parts, what we are moving towards and what we are fleeing from. The ideal motivation involves the hunger pulling you forward and the terror pushing you on. I am once again hungry to see what can be accomplished, and terrified that I might not do everything I can to know…what is possible.

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