Tuesday, December 17, 2013

My Quiet Time

I think I default to introvert. Some would say I definitely am, others would say I am plenty outgoing and more extroverted than many. I won't argue either way. I know I get lonely and crave the company of friends. I also know that other times I dread the constant presence of others and the expectations, perhaps only imagined in my mind, those people have for me.

Sometimes there is a silence. As we stand in a group I have said my peace, yet I feel people want me to say more. There is no more. Or maybe there is more and I don't feel like telling it, either because I have told it 30 times before or because the pain of telling it is not something I want to relive. I am boring. Just like the world is boring, so I am. I read books of people who are far more interesting, yet at the same time, just as normal as you and I.

I fear that because I have moved around so much growing up that there is a long term ability to make relationships work, like on the 7+ year scale, that aside from my family, I have not really had. What do you talk about with someone after you have talked about "everything"?

Everyone gets mentally recharged somehow. I often get energy from doing things alone. In many ways running is a daily way that I recharge my batteries. I return with a zest for life that I likely did not have pre-run. I know I need my quiet time. Yet like Shangri-La, quiet time in best in moderation. What is the balance of people time and alone time? I have no idea. It varies so much for me.

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