Everything Other Than Great Shape

Having been in great running and racing shape a number of times over the last decade, I know what it feels like. Everything other than great shape is not as fun. It is hard to go into a race of any kind knowing I am not as ready as I have been in the past. 

When in great shape I cool down after a workout at 6:45 pace. When in great shape 4:xx pace shows up on my watch occasionally in a workout and I have to slow down. When in great shape 5:5x feels easy, about conversational. I recently struggled to run 8 minute pace, and had a recent interval at 6:58 pace! That's not great training. Any time I have intervals slower than 6:00 pace, it's not great. 

It feels like, 'what is the point?' I've had a good career, why don't I just stop? Of course, I don't actually know what I would do with the extra time in my life. How many injuries must I have? My sesamoid bones in my right foot have been sore lately. As I have gotten better over the years that peak grows a little more elusive at the start of every build up. I haven't had a single 80 mile week this year, barring the 90 miles I did at the 24 hour race in Italy. 

Positivity and negativity are both spirals. When the negativity creeps in doubt goes everywhere, my fitness, my training, my coach, my diet, my support system are all suspected as not working. I usually try to spin this stuff positive, but I haven't had a great run in a week and a half, and I have a 50 mile race in a week and a half. I am tired. I feel like running away to the mountains for a bit.

When I was 25 in 2011 and running half marathon and marathon PRs everytime I raced I took it for granted and assumed I would obviously run faster in the future, and four years later I have not come super close to either PR.