I Live in Iowa: Week 85

Another week living the dream, or something like it. But seriously, I have the best life in the world. No really, I hope you think your life is the best in the world, but I like mine better. Okay enough feeding the ego.

Work was fun. I didn't work as many hours as I usually do maybe only 42 and some of that was spent on the start of Christmas festivities. However, I did finish four project reports this week. In context, I probably write reports for 70-80% of the the projects that I work on and probably file 20-25 reports per year. In other words, while the time spent fixing Jacobians and projecting nodes to surfaces was below average, I am getting somewhat more efficient and getting more done faster. Since I have been doing finite element structural analysis for about two years plus a year in graduate school on the heat treating FEA side, I am getting quite a bit better at what I do. I have probably around 5000 hours of experience doing finite element analysis. Personally, I feel either you learn how to do whatever you do better, or you don't, and I like to imagine I am a learner.

Coaching went well. That is a large part of why I didn't work as many hours. This was our last week of official practice until January and I wanted to contribute as much positivity and desire to train over break as I could. For the next three and a half weeks I can't look any of the runners in the face and tell them what to do. This is their Rocky IV, Russian winter, out on their own mostly alone. I've been through this cycle enough to know that not all of them will train over break, but a few will. That's the exciting part. A few of them want it. Whatever "it" is the point being some of them are developing "the will to win."

My own running went very nicely. I ran 72 miles including two four mile tempos (in 22:40 and 23:53), a short hill workout, a short interval 800 meter pace workout, a 1 mile race (in 4:39) and anchoring a 4x400 meter relay. Dwelling on the mile for a bit, I had a great race! It felt very aerobic for me, which is to say I did not feel the lactic acid burn until the last 200 meters, which I ran in 32.5 seconds. It was also funny because I had mentioned that in indoor it is often necessary to get out hard the first 30 meters because of the tight turns, so some people took my advice and I was in 7th place after 50 meters even though I thought I took it out hard. We flew through 209 meters in 36, which is about 4:30 pace. Anyway, I moved up through the pack and led the last 600 meters in 1:41 to take the win. The 4x4 was a lot of fun! My team was in the lead by 15 meters so I got out moderately paced, scared to put myself in an anaerobic hole the first lap, and thus was passed after 175 meters. Then I had to work awfully hard to pass fellow distance runner J in a classic 4x4 battle in the final 150 meters and maintain the lead as a different J nearly caught up to me. I split 1:00.9, the two guys that I raced split 56 and 58. So our team won in 3:57 and the other two teams were really close in 3:58. I had a great time Saturday morning!


On the social side a very interesting week. I have a friend, who is rapidly becoming quite a close friend, that had an emotionally difficult week due to an event brought about by an unanticipated situation. Thus is life right? Just when everything is going well you break you leg, lose your job, your transmission breaks, and your friends quit talking to you. Basically a standard week that happens to a different someone or another every week. However, this brings up such an interesting question, why me? I don't mean, why do bad things happen to me? The answer to that question is that I have many transgressions and I deserve my problems. The question is, how do I (in this case I mean me, Isaiah Janzen but you might ask yourself this) contribute to a positive outcome and a positive relationship from this experience? I also mean, of all the people that might be privileged to participate in such a relationship or experience what set me apart for this opportunity? Those last two questions could really be asked for more than just comforting a friend, they apply to my role in Indonesia, my daily engineering role, my coaching, or even this blog. Regardless, I tried to get the "why me?" question answered this past week because as I mentioned at the beginning, I have the best life in the world and I feel it is worth trying to find out what traits or attributes I might have that leave me so fortunate.

A is Dying

A is dying. She has pancreatic cancer. When they found the cancer in September it had already infected two or three of her organs including her liver. She will not be as fortunate as Steve Jobs to survive so long after the diagnosis. This is the second person I know personally to have pancreatic cancer. The first, and I will share her name because she is dead, Janice, learned of her cancer in 2010 and died last year.

When I found out, this morning, I shed some tears. I barely know A. You could wrap up our relationship developed over the last year and a half into less than a 30 minute conversation. Yet I remember some of the comments she has made were simply incredible. As I looked around the room watching the others of our group that were no doubt aware of her situation, I was distraught. She will probably die in 2013. Her and her husband made the decision not to fight the cancer. She is not young, probably in her 80s or at least 70s.

Death reinforces how severely limited our earthly lives are. She will not make great comments for the next decade. She will not be there to smile and say, "Good morning Isaiah". She will not be there to exude the intellectual, sophisticated and extremely educated aura that she backs up so well with her words and actions. This is hard because she is not a silent bystander but a vocal contributor.

There is a lot of comfort to be had in this situation, just as there was with Janice. A's faith in God seems exemplary to me. Our shared beliefs provide me the comfort I need to know that whatever happens is for the best. Yet that only slightly diminishes the fear of loss.

Everyone dies. It can be postponed but not prevented. In a way she is very fortunate to have an idea of how her final days on earth will progress. From the perspective of a naive 26 year old, cancer might not be a terrible way to go. It provides a chance to wrap up the loose ends. A way to say, "what an adventure," without the trauma of bleeding to death on the side of the road. A chance to say, "it's your turn now, kid."

The last time I saw my grandma was about 18 hours before she died. It is the best reason that has ever caused me to miss work. In part, we cry for ourselves. That we are left here with the pain and suffering and one less person to help us navigate the treacherous waters.

To quote the best movie ever, Red (narrating and played by Morgan Freeman) says, "Sometimes it makes me sad, though... Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend."

How Not to Freak Out 201: This Activity Will Change Your Chance of Dying

As you stumble out of the house party with your two drunk friends and your friend gets in the driver’s seat to drive you home in his ten year old semi-sports car, hopefully you realize this is a bad idea. When your drunk friend wants to see how fast he can drive down main street, because it’s 2 AM and no one is around, hopefully you realize this is bad idea #2. When you wake up a few days later in the hospital and can’t move your legs (if you still have them) and your family is around you crying and your friend is dead, don’t worry about it. You have the rest of your life to regret the decisions you made that night.

That is hypothetical, although it has probably happened. Everything from running on the sidewalk versus running on the street to buckling your seatbelt to smoking a cigarette to packing your parachute influence the chance that the activity you are about to engage in will result in serious injury or death or just a close call you walk away from and forget tomorrow. 

Risk management happens in milliseconds all the time every day, at least in my head. In fact, I feel I am pretty good at risk management. I was shown the risk management chart early in high school and thought about it a number of times since then.

The Risk Management Square

For example, a low risk low severity activity would be walking the dog on a leash on a sidewalk that you walk every day, low chance of a safety incident, chances are nothing would be worse than a twisted ankle and you could probably still walk home. A low risk high severity activity would be walking across a knife edge ridge with a 1000 meter drop on either side unroped. You are just walking, noting will probably happen, but if you do fall, you will probably die. A high risk low severity activity would be skateboarding or perhaps snowboarding, maybe even football. Chances are you will get injured, but it probably won't be too bad. On the high risk high severity hand are presidents, astronauts and ordinance disposal activities, and Russian roulette. Leaving people assassinated and blown up for decades. 

You do not have to whip this chart out and try to figure out where getting into the car with a drunk driver stands or the risk of going to Indonesia, but thinking about the possible consequences as well as the probability of those consequences will help you develop your acceptable risks. In other words, ask these two questions:

1. What could go wrong in this activity?
2. How likely are those things to happen?

Now, the hard part is thinking about the risk before you engage in an activity. Before people go out drinking alcohol for the night, how much time is spent organizing safe transportation? Before you put your car in drive or reverse do you put your seatbelt on and check your mirrors? Before you step off the sidewalk while running into traffic do you check behind you?

As an example, before going to Indonesia I did a little research. The major risks seemed to be militant violence, isolated toward the north of Sumatra, tigers, which are in decline, and sicknesses from the food, which did affect me a little. The first two had a very low risk of occurring, but would have been very severe had either one happened to me. The sickness had a moderate to high risk of occurring, but was not very serious. Those were, and are, risks I am ready to accept. 

Similarly when I went to Pakistan I put the chances I was involved in an incident with militants or the Taliban at 0.0X% but the chances I was involved in an accident on the mountain at Y%. As for things above my risk tolerance, Annapurna with a risk percentage in the double digit (AB%) range and Russian Roulette with a 16.7% chance of killing myself, per round, are things I do not intend to do. Of course, on occasion there are activities for which the risk is unknown. When Chuck Yeager broke the speed of sound for the first time people thought he might not survive it. Given activities with unknown risk chances, I would probably take the opportunity. That is me in a nutshell. Not everyone has the same risk tolerance. I don't see myself as a high risk taker, but I certainly do things that have deadly serious consequences.

My goal for this lesson in this series is to help you can make decisions ahead of time in a safe and level place about possible outcomes, often dying or simply life changing, so that when the moment comes that you are presented with the negative consequence of your actions you have mentally prepared for the possibility of those actions. 

To recap, your actions can have consequences. By simply taking the time to think about the possible consequences and likelihood of those consequences you can make better decisions. 

The Decline of Cable

I read this article about the decline of cable. Similarly on Saturday I was in a group of four, three engineers and one nonengineer, all ages 23-30. The only person with cable was the nonengineer, who probably makes less than half of what the rest of us make.

A few reminders why I went cable and Internet free when I moved to Dubuque:

• $45 a month for a two year contract or $55 a month for a one year contract just for Internet
• Bundled cable and Internet was around $90 a month. 
• For $90 a month I can go out for tea ($3-4) ten times a month and coffee (lattes $3-5) fifteen times a month. 
• At the coffee shops I can watch the Olympics or The Walking Dead or whatever else I might like.
• It's more social to go out than stay in alone. Yes, I do meet people.
• I take walks around town and read books quite often instead of sitting and watching something like I would if I had a subscription.

What will the future be like? Something like iTunes, with series, but still commercials, probably fewer. More of a pay for exactly what you watch sort of thing. The advertisements will be based on similar shows because the ability to just turn on the TV and watch a random show you have never heard about before will probably not happen nearly as much as it does today. That's bad news for networks. The good news is you will get what you pay for instead of having to pay for things you don't want.

2016 Olympic Marathon Trials Standards

They released the standards today. The expenses paid weekend will be 2:15:00 or better for the men and 2:37:00 or better for the women. It will take 2:18:00 or 2:43:00 in the marathon or 1:05:00 or 1:15:00 in the half just to get entry.

That's 5:15.7 per mile. About two and a half seconds per mile faster than it was in 2012 and around ten seconds a mile faster than in 2007.

What can I say? The goal is running at the trials. Thus, 5:15 just became my new favorite pace. At least it's easier to calculate around than 5:18. So 95% is about 5:30, 90% is about 5:46, 85% 6:02, 80% 6:18, and 105% 5:00, no, let's say 4:59. Those will all be key paces I try to put hundreds of miles in at during the next four years.

Would I prefer an easier standard? It doesn't really matter does it? The standard is the standard. It would be nice to feel that my yearly dues go toward my entry in a race once in my life. But that is me grappling with the reality of the task ahead.

Can I run a 2:17:XX or better? Yes. Am I willing to do what it takes to run that? I am not sure. To be honest, there will be a lot of failure along this experience. Do I have to make major life changes to run that kind of race? I don't know, possibly. We will find out. This will be interesting.

Source: http://www.runnersworld.com/races/tougher-standards-2016-olympic-marathon-trials

How Not to Freak Out 101: You Will Die

I was in a situation recently, maybe it was in Indonesia or maybe it was in Milwaukee or both, when I was totally relaxed in a situation where another was not. It must have been in a vehicle. Then I thought about some of the more hair raising situations in my life and how I handled them really well. Examples such as sitting in the back seat as we went the wrong way down a one way street, being really far away from my last piece of rock climbing protection, driving down an unknown road in the dark, immediately after a 40 foot rock climbing fall, at a checkpoint with armed soldiers, and those are just the ones big enough to stand out in a minute of thinking. While I do stress myself out more often that I would like, when push really comes to shove in terms of physical safety I do not struggle nearly as much as most. Thus, in four parts I will try to give some advice on how not to freak out. A good example is the 6600 meters video from Pakistan, I cheered (at 3:10) how, "hardcore" it looked as the wind and snow blew while I was sitting there. I watch it now and think, ‘that was not the most safe place to be.’ That being said, it wasn't that dangerous at the time. I would not even call that day a close call. By the way, the mountain sitting on my right, that is K2 the second highest mountain in the world.

First the question, what things make people freak out? Things that make people scared. A stranger who follows you down a dark alley, riding along as the driver drives 90 mph while texting, a remote checkpoint with guards carrying assault rifles, are all examples where in your head you might be freaking out. Unfortunately, panic leads to poor decisions, like a passenger yanking the wheel as you fly along at 90 mph or doing something impulsive or aggressive at a checkpoint. That brings us to lesson 101: You Will Die.

Today, now, if you have not already, realize and really understand that you will die. It may be in 80 years or it may be sooner. You will die. At some point your presence on Earth will no longer exist. One day you will be alive, the next you will be dead. There is approximately a 1 in 365 chance that today is the pre-anniversary of your death. Same for tomorrow or yesterday or any day of the year. There is a 2% chance that this week will have the pre-anniversay of your death. 

When death happens your car, your house, your smart phone, lunch yesterday, your wine collection, and all of the other physical stuff is lost to you. That’s it. You saved for two years to buy that car and then paid payments on it for five years? Great, but now you’re dead so it doesn’t matter.

You will die. In the face of death everything else falls away. This, I feel, is a good attitude to bring to life all the time. I do not have cable or a game system for that reason. When I die, even though I enjoy playing video games, I do not want to think, ‘man, I really rocked level 17 in...’ Obviously I still waste a lot of time watching reruns or pursuing activities that lead to nothing positive, but I think that gets a little better every year, and I do think about contributing instead of continuously consuming.

Once you realize that you will die, you realize that one of the few measurable ways to consider death is based on the time you have left. How much time you have is a mystery. You could die crossing the street today or in 80 years in a rest home after a prolonged battle with all sorts of ailments. The idea is that you do not have control over when you die, assuming you would like to see how much life you can live. You don’t control how long you live. You can influence how long you live by exercising, eating well, not smoking, and otherwise living a healthy lifestyle. But ultimately you do not control when you die. Even people that try to commit suicide often get it wrong.

Once you realize that you do not have control over when you die, the world opens up. You do not have to fear death, or at least if you a Christian you don’t have to. Death will happen sooner or later when it is right, not when it is convenient for you. Why let the fear of death control you?

To recap, the first lesson, you will die and you do not have control over when it will happen. The education and understanding from this step occurs today, before you close this window.

I Live in Iowa: Week 84

Boy oh boy. I have been gushing thankfulness for my wealth recently, and it will probably continue to explode over the next month. Why? In the next month my net worth will probably swing from negative to positive for the first time since 2005. Lest I just talk about money, I feel money is a symptom of wealth not the definition of wealth. Other articles to be posted on that in the future.

I worked at work a full five days. I was not particularly productive this week. Sometimes my job engineering involves clerical or administrative work and I don't get to do the standard work that I might normally do. With my recent upgrade to Windows 7 and my desk changing locations and lingering projects from Indonesia I spent time emailing and downloading software nearly as much as I spent time solving structural problems. Thus is life.

On a related note, I sent a couple of emails this week at work where I expressed emotion. This is unusual because engineering is a rather factual, unemotional discipline. To be more specific, a few months ago when I articulated that I cared it changed my outlook on the projects I am involved in. In other words, sometimes, perhaps often, in engineering we determine that something is good enough. Well, "good enough" is often a matter of opinion. If everyone agrees, it is good enough, but when not everyone agrees that it is good enough the product suffers, at least in someone's opinion. So I expressed concern, written in emails. It reminds my of the financial emails they are always reading on the news about brokers selling bad investments. Obviously it is not like that at all. It is rather like producing B work versus A work, although to be business honest about it, B work costs $X and A work costs $10X. Anyway, it's interesting. I am learning both about the economic realities of business and my personal quality values. I will say, customers, your voice carries weight.

Running was interesting to say the least. Sunday I ran 12 miles with three Loras alumni at a modest 6:43 pace, which given my relative low state of fitness, was a task. I did not run Monday, trespassed on private property in a five mile run Tuesday, and took Wednesday off as well. The private property incident, unintentional, won't happen again. Don't worry too much I was not shot at or sent to jail. I had a massage Wednesday night and as often happens my body rebounds after such an event and by Saturday I doubled for more than 23 miles on the day. So I ran 60 miles this week, in five days of running, and I am probably going to be injured again.

Coaching was a mixed bag. I had some very nice runs and good conversations. The season, and years ahead, looks to be just fantastic! Yet the wisdom and relationships of a few force me to really wonder about the future stability of a number of individuals. These situations are so foreign to me that I have no idea what to make of them. Perhaps these things are normal? I do not know. Regardless, I am committed to the development of these individuals because once again, I care. Perhaps these issues are simply standard faire in the realm of working with young people.

Interestingly enough, November was the first month ever in the 46 months this blog has existed that I did not experience year over year growth in pageviews or visits. I seem to be leveling out in the 50-60 visits and 70-90 pageviews per day range. However, I see that as a temporary dip as I continue to develop my platform. Additionally, I have not been doing much publicity recently, and that is usually good for hundreds of hits.

Janzen Gear Hangboards are for sale!

My social life deserves a mention. I might as well be a counselor or therapist. At every turn in my life I am blessed. My life is very simple. My baggage, while heavy and regrettable, fits in one carry-on. That needs to be clarified. My sins are extremely significant and destructive.  The enormity of my transgressions is unmeasurable. Still my blessings have an abundance I can not fathom. To hear of the struggles of my friends and acquaintances intrigues and astounds me. Of the several issues that came up for the first time to me in the last week, I can not mention a single one because each one is so unique that it would be immediately obvious to several people which incident was about which person. That is another idea, are these issues unique or am I just naive? The world is a scary place.

I am here to hear. However, one of these days I will die, probably sooner rather than later in the grand scheme of things, and I will not be here any more. An article on death, and the beginning of a new mini-series tomorrow. In the meantime, how can I help?

Thank you for reading! It is always a huge compliment, that I will try to deny in person, when someone says, "I read your blog." I am so blessed. I hope that this blog is one small way that I can share the abundance and experience of my life with others.