Sunday, August 21, 2016

Pain: Validated

Nice Watch Eh?

I've said before, I might have an unhealthy relationship with pain. I may be jealous of how my parents talked about my little sister after she had several serious injuries as a little kid. I may be trying to prove something because I was often picked last or near the end for games growing up. Perhaps it has something to do with never seriously playing contact sports, and wanting to show I can handle pain, who knows.

Breaking a bone is really the best injury, it shows up clearly on the x-Ray. It is an excuse to not do things, a reason to not be perfect. It validates the feelings of pain that I have from the injury. It allows me to relax, to just be me, with no expectations for myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed, and the world tells me consistently how much of a failure I am. Church tells me I am a sinner. At work, the work is never done. Regardless of the workouts I do, they never seem to be the right ones. 
Pretty Clear: Broken
I feel like a failure so often, but with nothing to prove my failure. I know that feelings are not fact, but they are my experience, so they do matter to me. A broken bone is proof of failure, and like I said above, it allows me to relax and accept myself as imperfect. That can be really hard. I've said it before, I feel I have the best life in the world, and I hope you feel the same way about your life, but with that statement comes the unspoken obligation to be the best I can be, superhuman, and I am certainly not superhuman.

For the record I broke it trying to get on my bicycle. Saturday I did my first triathlon because running training has been underwhelming and I needed some excitement. I finished the 200 yard swim and went through the transition area. It rained the night before and there was maybe a little gravel on the road, as I sat on my bike I had this strange thought, 'it feels higher than normal' despite the fact I haven't changed the seat height in a year. As I was struggling to get my feet in the pedals I was also trying to take a left turn, at all of 3 miles per hour, and I fell over on my left side. I probably fall off the bike once or twice a year, it's never been a big deal, but now that I'm over the hill at age 30 I suppose I have to more careful. As I went to pick up my 15 pound bike my left hand didn't seem to be working. It hurt. I finally got my chain put back on, did the 10k bike, and 2k run, changing shoes with one hand, and I think I won the race but I left before the awards.
Woohoo Selfie!
I went to urgent care and they wrapped me up and took x-rays. I refused pain medication because I need to know if I do something stupid and hurt myself. Already I have learned it is somewhat harder to do thing with one hand. Try getting dressed, tying your shoes, taking milk out of the fridge, opening a car door or using the turn signal, not to mention washing your hand, or drying off after a shower. The pain isn't too bad, I ran six hours in the last 36 hours, and most of the time it was almost insignificant.

I take comfort in my proof of the pain and in a number of Bible verses. As Elihu said, "But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction." Or as Paul wrote, "...but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Hope is motivation. It is what we are running toward, and if suffering increases my hope, bring it on!

1 comment:

  1. AFFORDABLE LOAN OFFER

    Are you financially down? Do you need a loan to start up business of pay off bills? we offer all kinds of financial assistance to every individuals "Business loan and personal loan, for investment, debt consolidation and house purchase etc." we will be willing to offer you the loan. Offer is affordable at an interest rate of 2%;this Funding program allows our client to enjoy low interest payback for as low as 2% per annul for a period of 2 months - 50 years. We can approve a loan/funding for a minimum of 5,000.00 up to 20,000,000.00 depending on the nature of business. but before we can proceed with the loan,if interested contact us now : { jonesloanfinance@yahoo.com}

    ReplyDelete