Thursday, April 14, 2016

The Spectrum of External Assistance (or Support)

This is the development from a conversation with my parents about motivation and how they created a culture of support for my sister and I that has been a launching pad for all of the things that we do now.
The Spectrum of External Assistance, maybe External Motivation?, maybe just Support?
I wasn’t sure what to title this, the Spectrum of External Assistance seems appropriate, but pretty vague. I would say simply Spectrum of Support, but really that’s not the best because support is a subset of the spectrum.

This started in the conversation because I told my parents that they did a great job of supporting me and not encouraging me too much and never really pushing me. To give one of the specific examples we talked about, at age 16 when I decided to hike Mt. Massive and Mt. Elbert in one day, with no prior experience above 12,500 feet, they supported me, and helped facilitate the effort. Yet my parents never forced me go to Boy Scout camp or track practice.

This is a work in progress. it really just came up in about the last two weeks and I wanted to try and flesh out my thoughts a little bit. To be honest I hope that someone else can build off of it and develop it a little further. I have not done any research into this so there are probably already books out there about this exact spectrum. This is just my parents and my idea. 

What really got me interested in this two weeks ago was the concept of support versus encourage. Having spent some amount of time around youth sports I can easily say that many parents do not do a good job of allowing their children to develop their own interests, or allowing the simple concept of fun drive the child’s involvement in activities. 

This is important because people respond differently to different levels of support. Some people need to be pushed, others just need a little support, and in other cases sabotaging someone’s effort only makes them work harder, although that’s a rare one. So thinking of how we fall along this spectrum of assistance to others might help us be more aware of our impact on others, both positive and negative.

Here are some examples of a “friend” providing some mental and physical assistance to a person.

Sabotage:
Person: “I just bought a new bicycle!”
Friend: “Yeah I noticed a flat tire on the way in.” (Because the “friend” let the air out of a tire.)

Belittle:
Person: “I just bought a new bicycle!”
Friend: “Yeah and you’re going to look good in spandex too.” (Because almost no one actually looks good in spandex.)

Bargain:
Person: “I just bought a new bicycle!”
Friend: “I suppose that means you are going to spend less time hanging out with your non-cycling friends like me?”

Support:
Person: “I just bought a new bicycle!”
Friend: “That’s great! You might even be able to commute to work sometimes and save some gas money.”

Encourage:
Person: “I just bought a new bicycle!”
Friend: “Good for you! Have you signed up to ride any centuries or a triathlon yet?”

Push:
Friend: “Have you been gaining weight? You need to get a bicycle and ride an hour a day, seriously.”

Force:
Friend: “I bought you a bicycle, and you are going to ride it, regardless of the weather and I am going to make sure that you do.”

What sticks out to me as I tried to make these examples is that at either end of the spectrum it’s not a very positive experience. Maybe this needs to be a two dimensional graph, kind of like my political circle I made a few years ago.

Really, this graph is about how someone like you or I assist and support other people, and not about the other person, it’s how each one of us is supportive towards that person and that activity. In other words, support is directly in the middle, either you support the person and activity or not. However, at either end of the spectrum you think you know better than that person what is good for him or her. To go back to parenting, yeah, I suppose sometimes you have to force your kids to get in the car or sabotage their ability to get access to alcohol. Frankly, parents do know best much of the time, but I would say not all the time. For example, despite not even having a girlfriend, I worry that I will push my kids to run and mountaineer and they will hate it, despite the fact I can’t imagine them being bad at those two things. It would be easy for me to encourage so hard I push them to do it, and even force the family to do this kind of stuff on vacations. Of course, the fact I am worried about it probably eliminates the chance that it would ever get to that point, but still I worry.

As I return to Mt. Everest right now I remember the past two years, and I have had every response from belittling me for doing this, to pushing me to go back, although most people fall into the middle, mostly supportive, some encouraging, and a handful bargaining. 

Food for thought. My opinion is we need more support and encouragement in this world.

5 comments:

  1. How I Was Rescued By A God Fearing Lender {Lexieloancompany@yahoo.com}..

    Hello, I am Andrew Thompson currently living in CT USA, God has bless me with two kids and a lovely Wife, I promise to share this Testimony because of God favor in my life, 2days ago I was in desperate need of money so I thought of having a loan then I ran into wrong hands who claimed to be loan lender not knowing he was a scam. he collected 1,500.00 USD from me and refuse to email me since then I was confuse, but God came to my rescue, one faithful day I went to church after the service I share idea with a friend and she introduce me to LEXIE LOAN COMPANY, she said she was given 98,000.00 USD by MR LEXIE , THE MANAGING DIRECTOR OF LEXIE LOAN COMPANY. So I collected his email Address , he told me the rules and regulation and I followed, then after processing of the Documents, he gave me my loan of 55,000.00 USD... So if you are interested in a loan you can as well contact him on this Email: Lexieloancompany@yahoo.com or text +1(406) 946-0675 thanks, I am sure he will also help you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SCAMMERS DRAINED AND RUINED ME FINANCIALLY AND LEFT ME HOMELESS BUT THANKS TO UP START LOAN (upstartloan@yahoo.com).

      Greetings to everyone, Life they say is full of deceit. No torture and pain can be compare to what i Theresa L. Bernard experience in the hands of scammers, The most annoying part of it is that someone always post of receiving a loan from them which is nothing but lies and strategy to deceive and extort hard earn money from people. I was victimize several times because of that, After reading a post about them i end up trusting them without verifying, I lost more than $12,500 in the quest of obtaining a loan i sold my car defaulted in my bills but i keep on falling victim my life was a piece of trash full of mess. My kids dropped out of school, My bank denied me credit because my credit score was down already about leaving the bank with a broken heart a staff in the bank approach me and say that there is a financial institution called UP START LOAN that say yes even when banks and other financial institution says no. She advised me to give it a try to be honest i was so skeptical leaving the bank without saying a word to her. It was a month later when my eldest son was hospitalized looking up and down nothing to pay for his hospital bill devastated and confused and then i remember what the bank staff told me and i quickly went to the bank to plead with her and inquire on how to contact UP START LOAN and she gave me the details which are Email: ( upstartloan@yahoo.com ) OR call/ text customer service through +1(574) 301-1639 . After following due procedures and comply to their policy in less than 24 hours my credit of $25,000 got approved and transfer to me. I later apply for a home and startup business loan of $350,000 which i receive and i obtain a home at 2076 Simon St, Philadelphia, PA 19124. UP START LOAN is the best. ( upstartloan@yahoo.com or text/call customer service +1(574) 301-1639. Indeed they say yes when your bank and other financial institution says no.../

      Delete
  2. How I Was Rescued By A God Fearing Lender {Lexieloancompany@yahoo.com}..

    Hello, I am Andrew Thompson currently living in CT USA, God has bless me with two kids and a lovely Wife, I promise to share this Testimony because of God favor in my life, 2days ago I was in desperate need of money so I thought of having a loan then I ran into wrong hands who claimed to be loan lender not knowing he was a scam. he collected 1,500.00 USD from me and refuse to email me since then I was confuse, but God came to my rescue, one faithful day I went to church after the service I share idea with a friend and she introduce me to LEXIE LOAN COMPANY, she said she was given 98,000.00 USD by MR LEXIE , THE MANAGING DIRECTOR OF LEXIE LOAN COMPANY. So I collected his email Address , he told me the rules and regulation and I followed, then after processing of the Documents, he gave me my loan of 55,000.00 USD... So if you are interested in a loan you can as well contact him on this Email: Lexieloancompany@yahoo.com or text +1(406) 946-0675 thanks, I am sure he will also help you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Support sometimes can required from church loans lender by churches. But only churches know how hard it is to get church loan with fair charges from a reliable source. So I always ask for financing from Griffin's Church loans.

    ReplyDelete
  4. SCAMMERS DRAINED AND RUINED ME FINANCIALLY AND LEFT ME HOMELESS BUT THANKS TO UP START LOAN (upstartloan@yahoo.com).

    Greetings to everyone, Life they say is full of deceit. No torture and pain can be compare to what i Theresa L. Bernard experience in the hands of scammers, The most annoying part of it is that someone always post of receiving a loan from them which is nothing but lies and strategy to deceive and extort hard earn money from people. I was victimize several times because of that, After reading a post about them i end up trusting them without verifying, I lost more than $12,500 in the quest of obtaining a loan i sold my car defaulted in my bills but i keep on falling victim my life was a piece of trash full of mess. My kids dropped out of school, My bank denied me credit because my credit score was down already about leaving the bank with a broken heart a staff in the bank approach me and say that there is a financial institution called UP START LOAN that say yes even when banks and other financial institution says no. She advised me to give it a try to be honest i was so skeptical leaving the bank without saying a word to her. It was a month later when my eldest son was hospitalized looking up and down nothing to pay for his hospital bill devastated and confused and then i remember what the bank staff told me and i quickly went to the bank to plead with her and inquire on how to contact UP START LOAN and she gave me the details which are Email: ( upstartloan@yahoo.com ) OR call/ text customer service through +1(574) 301-1639 . After following due procedures and comply to their policy in less than 24 hours my credit of $25,000 got approved and transfer to me. I later apply for a home and startup business loan of $350,000 which i receive and i obtain a home at 2076 Simon St, Philadelphia, PA 19124. UP START LOAN is the best. ( upstartloan@yahoo.com or text/call customer service +1(574) 301-1639. Indeed they say yes when your bank and other financial institution says no.
    ][]

    ReplyDelete