Tuesday, August 5, 2014

I'm tired.

Most of the reason I am tired is from trying to increase my mileage. That involves trying to run in the morning as often as I can, which is tiring getting up that early. In the afternoons, it involves running more miles than I feel like running. It's like trying to dig myself in a hole just deep enough I can get out of it every day and dig another hole.

Secondly, I’m tired from Everest. Honestly, I’m not thinking about it too much these days. That being said it comes up in conversation probably more than once per day. I feel like I am shying away from some public social events because I fear it will come up and people will want to hear about it. I want to share, but it’s not a pleasant memory for me, and emotionally it takes something out of me when I tell another person. 

Third, traveling has gotten to me. This past weekend I just ran and laid around watching movies. It was amazing. I slept a like nine hours a night both nights, and almost napped both days. It was quiet and I had some time to reset from the barrage of activity that my summer has been.

Fourth, work certainly has it’s ups and downs as last Thursday demonstrated. I'm pretty good about not bringing work home with me, but if you have a bad day at work, and I mean emotionally draining because I care about doing my job well, it's really hard to come home and flip a switch and suddenly be full of energy and happy. 

I am growing to dislike more and more the phrase, "How's it going?" Because the response is supposed to be "good" and that's a lie a fair amount of the time. Sure I'm doing good compared to the situation of most people in the world, but for my average I am certainly hitting below average some days and I just want to say, "it's going pretty bad." No one wants to hear that. It's so easy to live in a Stepford, everyone is a little above average, world. I try hard to be honest. I don't always say what's on my mind because often it's not relevant to the task at hand, other times voicing my opinion would not help build relationships. In short, I'm tired. I've had better months, better summers. I feel like I have the authority to make a difference in my life, yet I sit there and do the same things that bring me success because I'm tired of failing. 

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