Thursday, November 5, 2009

City People!

Dear City People,

You make me laugh. When I told you that I own several guns the expression on your face was priceless! In case you still don't understand: most guns are not used to shoot people. When I tried to explain fields and plains to you and you just didn't get that there are places without buildings and trees, I was very surprised. When you complained about driving three miles across town to go out to eat I thought of the numerous times I have driven an hour one way for good food. By the way the suburbs is not the countryside. I don't know if you remember the night up in New Hampshire cruising around the actual countryside and you were worried about someone crazy jumping out and some sort of horror movie situation happening. If that ever does happen to you let me know. When you told me you didn't know how to drive I'm sorry but I really thought you were joking. Same for riding a bike. When we had that bonfire and you just kept playing with it until you burned yourself I felt like I was watching a 26 year old person pretend to be nine. You should try and get out more because despite living here for several years you really don't know your way around. Do you remember the time that you went to Florida even though you've never been to New York City? When you came back I would have thought that you had spent two years traveling the world. Just to let you in on a little secret: there is in fact stuff to do and things to see west of Albany. But I am sure you will never get bored or unhappy here so there is no need to try something new.

Also, you are insane. Case in point: you passed me yesterday going 45 in a 30 but had to stop at the stoplight less than a quarter of a mile away and I pulled up right beside you. When we walked over to Dunkin Donuts yesterday you sprint walked to get in line ahead of me even though we both had to wait for five minutes. Then your order took longer to make than mine so I still left before you. I apologize for accidently eavesdropping on your conversation yesterday about the divorce you are in the middle of with the woman that you first met in a night club. I won't tell. But I will suggest that perhaps night clubs are not the best place to meet people for long term relationships. That's great that your family is from the area and has been here for seven generations and you plan to spend your entire life here, even though the winters are too cold for you and you never have actually lived anywhere else. I am sure that wherever you live now is the best place to live. I mean change is a pretty scary thing. I've heard it even scares people to death.

Your Friend,

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