Today at work I ignored my email, my Microsoft Teams, and this project management software called Wrike most of the day. I'm sure I'm going to hear about how terrible I am tomorrow at work. At one point a coworker called me and in the process of answering and still trying to turn wrenches I dropped my phone on the concrete floor and cracked the back glass. I can't do it. I can't help everyone at work 9 hours a day every week day.
I'm burning out.
The two people before me who held this job both quit, and one didn't have a job lined up at all. I totally get it. This job is unsustainable. I fail constantly. Someone is constantly telling me that I didn't do something. I have an intern this summer and today I spent basically the whole day with her and at one point she said, "this isn't glamorous at all." And I'm not talking like Batman not-glamorous fighting in the shadows, I'm talking garbage truck drivers, pandemic or no pandemic, that's not a glamorous job. Reading between the lines I hear from my intern, 'This company is super cool, but this position is not.'
The Olympics are coming up and I'm excited to watch them. I've often looked at the Olympic runners as inspirational and get excited for them to have their 15 minutes of fame. But as I get older I realize, it's easy for 15 minutes... but it's basically impossible for the long haul. I wish I could sleep 11 hours a day, run 3 hours a day, and then spend another 3 hours on ancillary exercises and massage and physical therapy, and then basically just eat and lounge around for the remainder. I come home from work most days pretty exhausted. If I can get out and run or bicycle it's a good day.
Last night, Wednesday the 14th of July, I was driving home from my girlfriend's house listening to 95.7 The Party here in Denver and they had a "Free Britney" special on the radio. It was all Britney Spears for the 15 minutes that I listened. She's in this conservatorship that her dad runs, and it's kind of ridiculous. I mean, she's like 38, she can handle her life at this point! But I get it, she's had a camera on her every move for the last what, 23 years? Of course she's going to lash out at times when she just needs a quiet night to laugh with a few friends or watch a comforting movie on the couch and yet the paparazzi follow her everywhere.
Last year at my little startup we had a company wide meeting and the CEO called me out, in a very positive way, for asking him random questions from time to time. Apparently I'm the only one in the company that does that. I immediately thought, 'ARE YOU KIDDING ME PEOPLE! HE'S JUST A PERSON TOO!' I'm not very close to our CEO, but it definitely feels at times like he's a little socially isolated. He's doing a good job and I want to reach out in some small way and help him feel like part of the team, not just the CEO. In other words, for a person that has to deal with curveballs, sliders, and fast balls every day, lob him a softball every now and then.
The point of all these stories is that humans want to belong, we want to contribute, but we don't want to be overwhelmed. When we get overwhelmed, things break, and those things might be us.